An Honorary Spanish Diva, I am

I remember why I settled for Tower Records in the first place...because I had spent an exhausting time looking for a job in the first place! My god, to people out there who have never been in my situation, this is a nightmare. Thank your lucky stars you have a job. But what I find incredible is that I have so much experience and there are so many jobs out there! I refuse to believe that I don't qualify or am not good enough for neither one of them.

In this last hour or so, I have reviewed about 15 different jobs, wrote (or modified) appropriate cover letters for each position and forwarded my resume. One of them is worth noting. It's an office position for an escorting website. :) I wrote a nice cover letter in which I mentioned my principles and open-mindedness for all walks of life and sexual exploration. Here's hoping...

I'm determined to find something soon.

I think some of you misunderstood my last post as some sort of statement on my future. I apologize. I've been going thru alot of issues and my "career' wasn't the sole purpose of it all.


However, some real interesting observations on my life were brought up because of this post. Whilst I appreciate all the feedback, I can't help but comment on something..

I do not feel sorry for myself or wish that I be in someplace other than where I am. I may not have a career but I'm an adult who supports himself without anyone's help. No one is paying my rent so I don't want anyone out there "feeling sorry for me" as if I'm some sort of tragedy. Call me a loser all you want but no one's feeding me.

This takes me back to a "party" I went to once. I was conversing with this older man about something, laughing, having a good time. Then he asked me what I did for a living to which I said I worked at Corner Bakery (at the time). His face just changed in appalment as if I was insane! Then comes the inevitable "But you're so smart!".

I understand people have their careers and their own values as to what's important, but not everyone is going to lead the same life as you and not everyone is going to be at the same step in the walk of like that you were at that person's age or whatever other deciding factor. There is no need to judge others into thinking they're inferior for not being "at your level".And again, I'm getting by on my own, I fail to see why it should be anyone else's business as to how I get there.

I'm not hurting anyone and am still here. There's no need for people to superimpose their own goals unto me. Don't think just because you're working retail or elsewhere thats not deemed "acceptable" I must be a retard or lazy. Different steps for different folks.

To those out there who genuinely care for me (and u guys know who you are), don't construe this as a personal statemet to you. I know when you reach out to me its because you are offering guidance and NOT blind judgement. I just had to comment on this and hopefully educate people who project these things into thinking twice and seeing things from the other side as well.

I've been going though a roller coaster of feelings lately and I haven't felt really talkative. I'm sorry to anyone who has taken it personally. Apparently I'm not the only person and some of you have even bigger issues than mine, so it doesn't help my situation to be stressed out that some of my friends are in the need to reach out to someone and I'm not fully here. I love you all though.


Nothing at all is new with me, all you have to do is go back and read my posts to get an idea. It's the same cycle and am only here for the ride of life contemplating getting off. Then I remind myself that I can't just think of myself and unfortunately for others If I get off it would tear them apart.

Maybe I'm being dramatic...maybe it's my chemical imbalances perturbing my sane thoughts, but allst I want to do is numb myself with emptiness for a minute.

Cheers

I found this fan-made remix for "Mas Fuerte" somewhere online. I'm glad there is some love for Massiel! It's nothing special but just hearing Massiel remixed was nice enough for me. The real Diva of Spain. I love her. Enjoy!

Click here to download

Howdy!


This past weekend was my boo boo's big birthday bash! He had a "Quinceañera-x-2". Happy birthday! We all got really trashed and had a great time. Gotta love alcohol. I got really drunk and performed Janet's "If" for people. Afterwards we ended up at a Mexican restaurant where they had karaoke and I performed Lupita D'alessio. I vaguely remember all this..lol!!!

I had fun. You guys who read my blog and were there, it was great to see you all! I can't remember the last social event I attended. Hope I wasn't too obnoxious.

:)

This morning, I was bored and had nothing to do (after sending my resume to various places) so I decided to take a mental break and go on Myspace. I did something I would never do but because I boredom, I said.."what the fuck". I went and looked for people who were in my graduating class in my high school.

Don't get me wrong, I in no way miss those days or even enjoyed them . I HATED HIGH SCHOOL and I hated who I was. I had so many psychological and social issues that its a miracle still to look back and think how I have survived. I didn't have any friends and a few times would hang out with people I shouldn't have but I only did it because I looked for something to do. I'm not at all nostalgic but I was bored. I went to Curie Metro Hish School and graduated in the year 2000.

Now what did I find? Well most people I looked on where big question marks because I didn't remember any of them. I found alot of cholas and cholos with freestyle songs like Trinere and Lil Suzy on their webpages! Other people had Alacranes Musical and Nelly Furtado. I was looking to see who I recognized and was gay. Lotsa lesbians.

A few people, I remembered their faces. And MY GOD alot of people changed so much! Some got fat, others got trashy. Its amazing! I mean I know I look different than I looked back then but it was for the better! I look like an adult and sexy :).

So that was my fun adventure. The people who I do remember from high school I didn't see. Like this pretty girl who looked like Lea Thomspon. I think her name was Elizabeth, I could be wrong. And my prom date, lol. I actually saw her a few years ago working at a Target. I pretended I didn't recognize her but then again she didn't seem very talkative.

Now that I'm touching this subject...I always feel bad when I go out and run into people who remember me from Curie. And I am left feeling so bad! I usually play it off and be like "No I don't remember you sweetie! But its nice meeting you now!". Some people don't believe me and think I'm being a jerk (me?! a jerk?! lol) but really no!

I'm glad I went through it all and the dark days are over. I'm going to continue my journey.

Well, its been a fun week. I haven't done anything. My ringing of the new year was hilarious and fun. I wasn't planning on doing anything but I went out. This is the first time I've ever done new years outside of someone's home. Mainly because I am paranoid when it comes to having to go somewhere on that day. What with all the drunk drivers and shit. But it was fun, I got wasted beyond recognition, had a killer headache the next day.

Now I must engage in aggresive job searches.

Toodles!